Airplane mode activated

In a world of instant gratification – it’s easy to become hooked to your mobile phone.

My phone is constantly in my hand, or within a 1 metre radius of my being. Why? Because I’m ashamed to say it’s a part of me.

This is something I’m becoming increasingly aware of. And something I’m desperate to change – in order to improve my life.

My phone is a huge part of my world. It’s how I keep in contact with friends and family. Its how I take photos, edit them, and share them with the world. It’s how I shop for clothes (any other eBay addicts out there?) – heck, I even use it for my food shop because I’m convinced it’ll help me to not stray away from the shopping list. It’s how I entertain myself. It’s how I google absolutely every thought or query in my mind for instant knowledge. It’s how I write this blog.

Whilst a mobile phone can be seen as a necessity for many aspects of day to day life for many people – I’ve convinced myself I need it way more than I actually do – why? Boredom. And a lack of reality.

I wake up in the morning and check all my notifications – as if I’m unable to start the day without doing so. I check (and delete) my emails. I reply to messages that I’m far too sleepy to even process (hence all the shitty half arsed replies my lovelies are blessed with). I flick through social media just to make sure I haven’t missed out on a second of anyone else’s life – oh the irony. I even play a bit of solitaire whilst I’m waiting for the kettle to boil. Basically – I use my phone to fill the void of actually being alone – of being with myself.

When you’re terrified of your anxious mind; terrified of over thinking – it’s so easy to rely on your phone as a method of distraction. It becomes a crutch.

Rather than being in the moment and being comfortable in my own surroundings – I’m finding more and more, that I plug myself into a tiny hand held screen and switch off from the world around me.

Some may argue that this can be a good coping mechanism if used in moderation, and I would agree – but where do we draw the line?

The more I am on my phone, the more I see notifications as and when they appear – and thus, the more urgent they feel.

Sometimes, my anxiety towards my phone increases to the point where I feel myself clamming up at the thought of reading and responding to a text message. We could be the closest people in the world, and you could’ve just asked me something as simple as “hows the weather” – and I will literally feel sick with the pressure of immersing myself into a conversation. Why? Because we aren’t supposed to communicate with every single fucker on the planet – 24/7. Well – not me anyway.

On the flip side of this – I also really bloody care. I feel the need to give my heart and soul into any conversation, no matter how brief or virtual – and often apologise when I don’t. I’ve found myself muting so many group chats, and deleting real time apps such as snapchat and Twitter. Not because I don’t care – but because I actually have a lot of fucks to give, and if I give them all away – I’ll burnt out before you can say “I miss the old days of knocking for someone”.

So, what we have here – is a pretty messed up heap of conflicting feelings towards not wanting to be available 24/7 – but also not wanting to be bored.

What is the solution?

I wish I could take the bull by it’s horns and rid myself of a phone all together – but I’m doing so, I’d rid myself of so many things I enjoy. I’d probably panic at the thought of not being able to get hold of anyone – and I’d most likely start talking to myself.

So let’s compromise?

I’m going to just switch to airplane mode.

When I don’t feel like communicating. When I don’t want my step-app to ask me if I’ve moved about lately because I appear to be sedentary. When I don’t want ToonBlast to tell me that my live’s have been refilled so I should come back to play level 254. When I don’t want to find myself watching Instagram stories of people living perfect sociable lives. When I don’t want to know I’ve got an email from work that I’ll have to see to the following morning. When I’m literally not in the mood to have a conversation – because you don’t have to be! I’m just switching to airplane mode.

I’ll go back to being instantly available and online, whenever I feel like it!

Peace out.

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