What kind of millennial would I be if I didn’t enjoy a glass of wine? Or a bottle?
Most of my hobbies are based around meeting others and having a gossip over a glass of fermented grapes. In fact – this is probably my only hobby. Despite “hanging up” my heels a long time ago – with a preference for quality time with friends, over clubbing it – my diary is still filled with racking up my weekly units.
Dinner and drinks?
Brunch and drinks?
Pub quiz and drinks?
Let’s have a night in with drinks?
Shit day at work so let’s have a drink?
Whilst this is wonderful for my instagram feed – who doesn’t love a flat lay of a cocktail?! It plays havoc with my well being, the morning after.
Now, I love hanging out with my buds. And once I’m out, I will pretty much go with the flow and see where the adventure takes me. Shots you say? You’re on! Sod that – I probably mentioned them in the first place.
I can literally be living the dream all day and night long – not a care in the world. Gossiping will be in full swing, giggles a plenty – and now I’m in my mid twenties – there will probably be some kind of deep and meaningful conversation that’s played out. (I have probably declared my love for every female in the world once I’ve had glass of Pinot Grigio number 2 – and don’t even get me started on hashing out ideas of a modern day society and the effects social media has on us all…)
But where does this leave me the next day?
Do I wake up buzzing with the memories made?
Do I spend the next day chuckling over the fun that was had?
Do I cherish the new friendships made?
Like fuck do I.
Despite never doing stupid shit when I’m drunk (unless you count chewing someone’s ear off and embracing them in a Hev Luv Hug) I can guarantee you that I will wake up with dread.
Was I annoying last night?
Do you reckon I was a bit over powering?
God – was I too loud? Did I talk to much?
9/10 times the answer is always a firm NO – but the fear is still strong. And the fear is still strong, months down the line. Anyone else get flashbacks before bed of how utterly cringe they were on Feb 11th 2015 – asking for a mate?!
Now I am well aware that all this is in my head – but when you’re in the throes of a self pitying and all consuming hangover (I thought hangovers didn’t get back until 30?!?) it really is hard to tell yourself to just get over it. And whilst, I don’t want this fear to stop me from enjoying what I enjoy – sometimes it is cripplingly mortifying.
Now that I’m not enjoying the wonderful freedom that uni brings – where you could easily waste the day in bed with a hangover – the hangover brings along a bigger sense of doom. The washing still has to be done, I have to go to work on Monday whether I like it or not, and OH GOD – that’s my bank balance?!? I really don’t understand how anyone navigates the day after the night before with a sound mind. If you do – I salute you!
Anyone suffering from anxiety – has probably had a bout or two of paranoia on their best days. And sadly, alcohol (or post alcohol) can magnify this and make it ten times worse. Couple this with sleep deprivation – and you’ve got yourself a whole new kind of cocktail – that’s sadly going to be more sour than sweet.
Of course – there’s also the dreaded blackout.
I did what?!
Whilst some people can find this humorous – I find this ridiculously traumatising. I’ve never been a black-out kinda gal, and I’ve always taken pride in the fact I’m not a drunken chunderer, and I always have some level of wit about me, and a fully intact memory, yet citalopram definitely took that badge of honour away from me. No – I didn’t vom in any cubicles – but I sure as hell did wake up with no recollection of the night before. Even after 1 drink. Even if I was having a takeaway night in. (Thankful to the universe for keeping me safe)
So – in conclusion? It’s bloody hard work making your way through the world as it is – let alone with a cracking headache, dehydration and a lack of sleep.
Enjoy your social life – every second of it. Don’t let any kind of fear impact your fun in a negative way – but do make changes if you feel you need to.
Indulged in a few too many glasses of wine?
Practice focusing on the fun you had, get yourself in a lovely bubble bath – and tell yourself that your hangover will pass.
Remind yourself that your brain can feel unkind at the best of times – you work through it then, so you can work through it now. It might just take practice and patience.
Speak to yourself kindly.
And most importantly – remember that you are not alone. We’re all figuring this out – one social event at a time.